A
female
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*exybum
writes:Hiya guys, I posted a question on 14/02/06 'Doom day for many relationships!' It was headed 'I always take him back and cannot walk away..' Its kind of ironic that it was headed that because I left him that night Well I haven't been in contact with him since Tuesday, I've been trying to keep myself busy and happy, for the better part of the week I have been happy. My boyfriend or as I should say my ex, is on a curfew and cannot go out after 09.30pm so I went out clubbing on Sat. I always hang out with lads not girls, I was out with two of my guy mates on Sat, I had my ex-boyfriends cousins come up and threaten them, they were also going round threatenning anyone who spoke to me! I've got a feeling this is how it is going to be from now on. On sunday I was thinking about all this, I usually spend every Sunday with my ex down the gym so this Sunday was the biggest test, Can I stay away!? Yes I could, I thought back to the replies I received and decided it was best to 'cut all ties', therefore I went down to my exs when he was at the pub and collected the last of my things so now I've got no reason to talk to him or see him. In with all my stuff, My ex had put in these trouser bottoms that were his, but I used to wear them and play around in them all the time, I always wanted them and he gave them to me, he added them to my stuff. Since last Tuesday I slept tightly cuddling a teddy he gave me on valentines. Yesterday I just felt this tremendous guilt for leaving him and not trying harder. I know he's had a lot to deal with in life, but I've made a lot of effort in this relationship and given him cahnce after chance so now why the hell do I always feel so guilty and horrible. I feel like such a hypocrite telling him I loved him and then leaving him. I've spent every penny I have and am not being paid now until the end of the month, so I can't go out to keep myself occupied and I don't know what to do to stop going out my mind! I wonder if anyone can help again.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): After every relationship I have ever had has ended I have a big clean out - clean out my wardrobe, sort through my things, chuck old things old, vacum inside my car etcIt costs nothing and is a great distraction, also gives you a chance to chuck out anything the ex gave you!I have always found this has helped me...Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2006): Dear, I am sorry you are experiencing this pain of yearning and loneliness. You still need time to grieve, heal and recover from this relationship. There is no time limit on this process..everyone does it in 'their' own time. But I feel for you, because it's not easy. Be strong. The grief process is difficult because it forces you to deal with emotional feelings and get in touch with them, in order to release them. Once released, the emotional charge connected to the idea of this relationship break up. Believe it or not, you will be able to look at the dysfunction of that situation more clearly-in time. You will see that the relationship had never been a good one - that you had sacrificed yourself and your own needs from the beginning to comply with your dream /concept of what this relationship should be. Right now, all this does not mean anything to you on the practical level, because in the midst of doing your grief work, likely the memories of happier times with him are causing the pain and loneliness. Once you get past this, will you be able to let go and start living and looking forward building a solid relationship with a nice, great guy, you so deserve. Keep telling yourself, you deserve much, much better. Just keep getting through the tough time to work at changing your concept and realizing the 'grim reality' of what your situation was, with this guy. You need to sever the emotional cords that bind you to him. it's going to take some strength of mind ot reprogram your emotions. Just allow yourself to gain the wisdom and clarity to change and what you needed to accept. Don't let the guilt eat away at you...you did nothing wrong. But you need to talk, you need to reach out.
Please call in close friends and trusted family members to help you with this. Loving support is what you need most right now. Don't be afraid to ask for it. Take care my dear and hang in there. xo
Hugs, Irish
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